Delusions of Adequacy

I'm reading the manufacturer's product data sheet for my new BP medication, Diovan HCT, and I'm about a third of the way through it, when it strikes me that between the scientific names of various chemicals and physical conditions, the sheet would be a great source of characteer names for anyone writing an epic Tolkienian fantasy.

The evi Lord Valsartan, striking from his fortress at Mutagenesis with an army of fierce Hemoglobins, has threatened to engulf the world in darkness. Stopping Valsartan's evil schemes and banishing his soul to the Planes of Neutropenia is a job left up to Princess Anuria, Bearer of the Soothing Cup of Lithium, and her fearless companions: the devoted dwarf Albumin, High Elven Rangers Elanapril and Lisinopril and their deadly Arrows of Hepatic Insufficiency, and dashing human rogue and ranger Diovan, wielder of the Great Sword Hyperkalemia (and is it possible he's really the long-lost heir of the throne of Oliguria in diguise? He'd better hope so; it's his only hope of winning the hand of the fair Anuria and preventing her from being forced to wed the oily Prince Brady Cardia!), and smallest but not least, the brave hobbit Frank Gout. Join our heroes as they journey to the heart of Mutagenesis itself to perform the sacred Rite of Homeostasis to defeat evil once and for all... or at least until Book Two.